When we have a problem, one of the first people we may tell is a friend.
Sharing a problem with a friend can help lessen the toll a problem is taking on us.
Starting the conversation
It can be hard to start a difficult conversation. You could try starting with, “Do you have a minute to talk?”, or “I’m having a hard time, can I tell you about it?” Sometimes it can be easier talking when you are doing something else together, in a more comfortable environment, like walking to school, playing computer games or hanging out.
Your friend may not be able to talk right then, so you could ask, "Is now a good time to talk? Or do you have time later?" Try to get a time when both of you won’t be distracted or in a rush to get somewhere.
How and when you approach a friend is also important. Starting a conversation online may feel easier, but when they can’t see you or hear your voice, it can be harder to make sure a friend understands how serious you are being. If possible, try starting a conversation in person, away from a group or let them know online that you’d like to talk in person.
You are the expert of your friendship. Knowing your friend like you do, think of the best way you could connect with them.
How to be a good friend
It’s important to know how to be a good friend to someone facing a problem. A friend’s job is to listen to and support a friend when they are dealing with a problem. This is making sure your friend knows it’s okay to feel the emotions they're feeling.
It can be hard to see someone we are close with struggling with a problem. If you see a friend having a hard time, you could start a conversation with them and ask what’s up. If they don’t want to talk to you about it, you could encourage them to follow one of the Wellbeing Badges pathways for support.
Remember - a good friend doesn’t have to fix the problem for them, or take responsibility for what happens. A good friend listens, supports and encourages.
Being a support person
A way you could help your friend is by being their support person through the Wellbeing Professional or student complaint processes. As a support person you could attend the meet and greet with a wellbeing professional or a restorative meeting with a Dean.
If your friend decides they would like you as a support person at a wellbeing professional meet and greet, they can indicate this on the self referral form under ‘Anything else?’ For a formal complaint, they can let their kaiāwhina or dean know they are bringing a support person.
Check out the Link in with a Wellbeing Professional or Make a Formal Complaint pages for more information on these processes.
Staying safe
Our friends put a lot of trust in us, meaning they may tell us when they're feeling unsafe. They may come to us if they are thinking of hurting themselves or someone else. A friend may talk about something that really worries you, or that is beyond what you can deal with and you really don’t know what to do or how to help.
When safety is a concern, it’s a friend’s job to do what they can to keep themselves and their friend safe. We are not the trained counsellor - it’s important to recognise when something is more than we can deal with and link with a trusted adult and pass on information so they can help.
This is not breaking your friend’s trust, it’s about getting them the support they need and keeping yourself safe. A trusted adult could be a parent, teacher, counsellor, or an adult you feel comfortable talking to about the situation.
If you're worried about a friend
If you have a friend in danger or you’re worried about their immediate safety, call 111, otherwise phone 105 to report something that has already happened.
If you have a concern about a friend, you could also email Eve or Kate to talk about your friend’s situation. If you’d prefer to not name your friend when talking about their situation, that’s okay. At least start with getting professional support for the situation itself.